ARE you stupid or what? Are you aged between five and 105 years old, and have you got random stuff - you know, toys, gadgets, instruments? Things in general?
And do you like to get up on stage?
Mark Jones does. Which isn't easy, because he's not the tallest person in the world.
The pantomime star, children's entertainer, professional dad and all round silly person will be on stage at The Beck Theatre in Hayes on March 3.
He'll look pretty stupid up there if nobody is there to join him for an afternoon of Show And Tell, the latest creation from this inspired and inspiring performer and family favourite with years of Beck Theatre Christmas pantomimes under his belt.
So what he wants you to do is have a rummage through the house (possibly with mum and dad's permission) and pick the best 'thing' you want to bring to the theatre.
It could be a terrific toy or an interesting item, a great gadget or a captivating curio. As long is it is basically inanimate as opposed to dead (dead stuff stinks) then that's fine by Mark.
Described as 'the funniest hour you will have in 2013, unless you make it through to the final of the World Tickling championships', Show And Tell is a great laugh with a serious purpose: raising money for The MS Trust, a charity which helps make life better for people with multiple sclerosis.
If you like silly spontaneity and want the chance to be part of a right giggle, pinch mum and dad's credit card (not really) and call the Beck Theatre box office on 020 8561 8371, or book online at becktheatre.org.uk. Tickets cost s10 each and the show starts at 1pm.
The Gazette has a Show And Tell family ticket - for four people - to give away. To be in with a chance of winning, all you need to do is answer the following question and then email your name, address, daytime phone number and inside leg measurement to firstname.lastname@example.org by noon on Friday, March 1, then stand by the phone ... on one leg ... that you've measured. We will let you know if you have won.
Question: Is Mark Jones's new show called A: Speak and Spell B. Go and Smell or C: Show and Tell?
Normal Trinity Mirror rules apply. Please go to www.uxbridgegazette.co.uk/competitionrules for more information.